Navigating Intimacy with Endometriosis

It’s often said that endometriosis is the plight of the unloved woman. Unloved? By whom? I don’t buy into such stereotypes. Women with endometriosis end up feeling unloved primarily due to the unbearable pains accompanying most sexual acts and bleeding. This condition is by no means a consequence of lack of sexual activity.

But what do you do when you realize you’re too young for such a diagnosis, one that seems to condemn you to a life far from the normality of a couple’s relationship? First and foremost, you don’t despair. Any agitation, no matter how small, any fear of pain, or any thought projected into such a situation only serves to intensify your pains during sexual contact.

Secondly, you don’t back down! What does that mean? It means that no two sexual encounters are alike, so neither are your pains always the same in intensity or presence. The mental aspect is crucial here, even though in such situations, it’s not just about being cerebral. However, your mindset will greatly help, especially when you remind yourself that you desire that moment and that the act itself won’t become a torment; in fact, you might even tremble with pleasure afterward.

The partner’s role is paramount. You can’t burden a stranger with the weight of an endometriosis diagnosis (which, by the way, is not contagious!!) in such a way that you expect them to understand and take care of you. However, your life partner will be very attentive to you in such moments. Natural lubrication will help you get through the first contact much faster and more comfortably. From experience, I can tell you that artificial lubricants don’t help much in such moments; rather, they increase the burning sensation and pain caused by any touch, no matter how slight. Admittedly, these sensations don’t last indefinitely, but once you experience them, the desire for romantic moments is long gone. However, it doesn’t mean that all women with endometriosis feel the same sensations. Maybe you’re the exception!

Endometriosis doesn’t have to be a curse, and women diagnosed with this condition must understand that, albeit strangely, nature has chosen them to be more special than others! So, every cloud has a silver lining! You’re free to do whatever helps you relax during sexual activity, both mentally and, especially, physically. The nerves and muscles of the abdomen must be extremely relaxed in such moments.

How do we achieve that? Teach your partners to give you massages. Not just any massage, but one suitable for your condition. Thai massage is very helpful. Besides that, look for specialists in fertility massage, which also helps in cases of endometriosis, and learn from them, then apply together with your partners.

All relaxation techniques, from the ambient environment, music, candles, essential oils, warm baths, even alcohol — but in moderation because it’s not very advisable in endometriosis (an exception is red wine, as it contains resveratrol, a phytoestrogen that has anti-inflammatory properties and also reduces the development of new red blood cells) — are factors that can help you relax so much that, at least in those moments, you can escape from pain!

I can’t emphasize enough the importance of the perfect partner. Notice that I avoid using the term „soulmate.” In sex, whether with a soulmate or not, hormones dictate. However, these hormones need to merge with his. From experience, I can tell you that as long as you share such a moment with the right person, the pains disappear as if by magic. How do you know he’s the right person? You don’t! You feel it.

Set aside the myth of the unloved women! Lovemaking and sex can happen with endometriosis! And no, it doesn’t hurt!

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